Scary Movies That Aren’t Really Scary

I was going to do this list for Halloween, but I will be in Korea then teaching English so I foresee being quite busy. But it was a list a really wanted to do, so I’m doing it now. As I have expressed in many previous posts, I am quite possibly the biggest scardy cat alive. I do not watch scary movies. I can’t, because my over-active imagination will keep me awake for weeks, and a girl needs her beauty sleep. So it’s really frustrating when Halloween rolls around and all of my friends want to watch horror marathons and I can’t join them. However, over the past few years I have discovered movies that have either a Halloween theme or scary topic so you can legitimately watch them on Halloween with friends while they aren’t actually scary at all. So anyone else out there who also cannot tolerate scary movies, this list is for you. These are ten movies that will make for a perfect Halloween or scary movie marathon without actually being scary.

10. Stardust

Yes, this is more of an adventure movie, but Michelle Pfieffer pretty much disintegrates into a corpse before your eyes. And it is a really fun, entertaining movie, and you get to see Robert DeNiro be a cross dresser. What more do you want?

9. Twilight

Okay, before you yell at me, let me explain. Twilight or any of its sequels is quite fun if you have junk food, booze, and friends to make fun of it with. And the presence of vampires ties it to Halloween enough to go on the marathon list without scaring you. No, it probably will scare you, but not the kind of way that will keep you up at night.

8. Hocus Pocus

I have never actually seen Hocus Pocus, but I know of enough people who like to watch it every Halloween that I’m confident it would work. Considering that I think its mainly oriented toward children, I don’t think it’s that scary. So if anyone watches it on my advice and ends up having nightmares…oops.

7. Cannibal the Musical

The title of this movie alone should suggest how it connects with scary subject matter. People eat each other. Not exactly zombies, but close enough. And it is quite hilarious.

6. The Corpse Bride

This Tim Burton flick was made in the style of The Nightmare Before Christmas (hey, guess what else is on the list?). It didn’t make a huge impression on me when I saw it, but it’s creepy enough to work but not too creepy.

5. Practical Magic

This movie about witches living in modern society starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman is actually a lot of fun, and deceptively creepy at some points. It will make a good addition to any Halloween or “scary” movie marathon.

4. Teen Wolf

I’m busting out a classic. This fantasy comedy from 1985 will have you rolling on the floor with its badly done, well, everything, its over the top contrivance, it’s cheep tricks, and 80′s hair styles.

3. Dracula: Dead and Loving It!

Another vampire movie for you! And this one is made by Mel Brooks, so you don’t have to make fun of it to enjoy it. It’s hysterical.

2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

We all know about this movie. I think it is the only bi-holiday movie. It can be watched for Halloween and Christmas. While it is a children’s movie, it’s a Halloween classic and fun.

1. Young Frankenstein

Ever since my junior year at college, I have tried to create a tradition of watching Young Frankenstein every year for Halloween. I love this movie so much. And it is perfect for those of us who like watching movies on Halloween but not being scared out of our wits. Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder are a perfect combination, and this is them at their best.

Honorable Mention

Shawn of the Dead: I didn’t include this movie because it scared me half to death. But it is very funny, so if you happen to have a somewhat higher tolerance for fear than I do, it will make a perfect addition to your marathon.

The Brother’s Grimm

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Moonrise Kingdom: For Those of us Who Have Always Wanted to See Bill Murray Throw his Shoe at Edward Norton

A few days ago my good friend Sara asked if I wanted to see the movie Moonrise Kingdom. Due to my preoccupations of preparing to travel to Korea, I had never heard of the film. When I heard Edward Norton was in it, I didn’t need to know anymore. Edward Norton is my all time favorite actor except for Geoffery Rush. I have never seen him in a bad movie.

This movie reminded me of why I love films, and why even though sometimes I feel inundated by Hollywood crap, every now and then, I can go to a theater and smile completely through a masterpiece. Moonrise Kingdom is an indie dark comedy directed by Wes Anderson. It is set on a New England Island in 1965. Two children, Sam (Jared Gilman) and Suzy (Kara Hayward) have disappeared. They had met the previous summer, and decided to run away together. Sam’s scout master Randy Ward (Edward Norton), a police officer (Bruce Willis) and Suzy’s parents (Frances McDormand and Bill Murray) chase after them all over the island to retrieve them as a huge hurricane threatens in the distance.

When I watch movies, I look for the story. Because of that, I don’t particularly enjoy most comedies, because usually, comedies sacrifice the story for the sake of humor. However, that does not happen in Moonrise Kingdom. The humor is subtle, dry, and ironic. The style and situations of the movie are funny rather than a few cheap jokes. Because of that, the story has no need to be sacrificed. I also just tend to prefer this humor. It’s clever and witty and more powerful. Moonrise Kingdom has moments in which it makes fun of itself in a subtle enough way that doesn’t clobber you over the head like Sasha Baron Cohen. In most conventional comedies, you see the movie once and then it’s no longer funny. I feel like I could watch this movie over and over and still find it hilarious.

Edward Norton lived up to my expectations. He was just outrageous enough to be funny and yet also seem to be sincerely acting. And Bill Murray was a joy to watch. I think this has to be one of my favorite roles I’ve ever seen him in (except for Ghost Busters and Groundhog’s Day of course). I hope to always remember him only wearing pajama bottoms, carrying an ax and saying “I’m going to go chop a tree down,” in the middle of the night. And then I also must mention Bruce Willis. You might have read my earlier post on type casted actors (http://hereslookinatyousquid.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/the-top-ten-most-type-casted-actors-9-2/) in which I listed Bruce Willis as number one. Before seeing Moonrise Kingdom, I have just never really seen Bruce Willis in a movie and thought, “Wow, he’s such a good actor.” He seems to play the same character every time. But tonight he surprised me, which is something I never thought I would say. I will not claim he was the best actor ever in Moonrise Kingdom (Edward Norton always steals the show) but he was better than in any movie I have ever seen him in. I didn’t keep thinking “So why aren’t you in an action movie right now?”.

But the actors I really need to talk about are the two leads, the star crossed lovers Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward. This is both actors’ first movie. I think Kristen Stuart should take some lessons from Hayward. And Jared Gilman also achieved capturing my heart. I have no idea how Anderson was able to find two actors who could work so well together and feed off each other’s energy while still being so young. They should get together and make a baby, because that baby would be the best actor ever.

And everything else about Moonrise Kingdom just seemed so perfect, from the acting, to the soundtrack, and even the special effects.  So for once I don’t really have anything to complain about. Just listen to me: go see this movie! It is awesome. I haven’t seen a better movie in theaters all summer, or perhaps even all year. Unsurprisingly, I give this movie a perfect 10.