I am very aware of the fact that I have done a lot of complaining on this blog. but I have finally found something to celebrate and open the eyes of those who might be unaware. Most of my whining is about bad movies, but I haven’t mentioned movies that are just so horribly bad that they are awesome. And most of them you don’t even have to see. Just the title is enough. I would just like to mention a few whose titles alone are enough to question the creativity of the human race. All happen to be about dangerous creatures that threaten humanity, and all pretty much have the same plot.
Dinocroc Vs. Supergator
In this epic movie, both supergator and dinocroc escape from a lab and start killing people. The main character Jason Drake must team up with a sketchy game hunter known as The Cajun and a cop to kill these creatures. After they are dead by explosion, the movie ends with the cries of a baby, which lets the audience know about the horrifying truth. Dinocroc and Supergator mated, creating a Superdinogatorcroc. Oh, the humanity. I’m looking forward to the sequel.
This movie begins (and ends coincidentally) much like the last. At a ski resort in Utah, scientists are trying to genetically create a new race of super spiders (as an arachnophobic, I ask WHY? That has red flags all over it). As would be expected, the spiders break out of the lab and kill people until they are also blown up. I’m starting to note a pattern here.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Okay, I have to admit that the only reason this is on here is because I love the idea of Snooky being bitten by a shark.
Yes, Kaw as in the sound a bird makes. I don’t even have to talk about the plot of this film, because the one sentence synopsis on the SyFy website is terrible enough. This is exactly what it says: “A gathering of ravens is called an unkindness, but a small farm town will call this one murder.” Queue fake laughter now. Enough said. Really.
This movie also goes by the name of Mosquito Man, but I chose to ignore that, because Mansquito is way too awesome. I’m not going to get too detailed with the plot. All you need to know is that a scientist is experimenting with mosquitoes and something goes very wrong and one of her assistants becomes half man, half mosquito. He’s a mansquito! I do need to talk about one particular scene though. The scientist goes to visit her boyfriend and while she is kissing him desires his blood and bites him. There are just no words in response to this. There really aren’t.
Mongolian Death Worms
I can just foresee a very intense trailer in which the voice says, “What is the most terrifying beast anyone could every think of? MONGOLIAN DEATH WORMS!” In this movie, people digging around in Mongolia awaken a nest of death worms, creating a deadly situation. So did this come before or after Tremors?
Same plot pretty much of all the others. Military is genetically experimenting with splicing a half-shark, half-octupus while, honestly, I don’t think the word sharktopus is very threatening. Are we really going to strike fear in our enemies by threatening them with this? Of course, sharktopus escapes and wreaks havoc on American beach goers.
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus
I’ve actually seen clips, and I must say, it is a horrible movie masterpiece. The best part is definitely when the mega shark bites a giant hunk out of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Two Headed Shark Attack
Sadly, just as the picture shows, the title does not mean two sharks attacking at the same time. This movie is actually about a two headed shark. Can’t you just see a board room, where writers are thinking so hard. “How do we make a shark scarier? I know, give it another head! It’s so simple!” Thank you so much for that horrible horrible decision.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
This is the Holy Grail of bad movies. I’m serious. This movie is complete and utter crap. The writing is terrible. Half of the movie is watching the main character driving and getting gas. The acting is atrocious. The main character doesn’t know how to enunciate. And the effects. The birds just hover in one place and flap their wings much to our enjoyment. Birds fly into buildings and randomly explode. It’s ridiculous in so many awesome ways.