I’m Kind of Scared of the People Reading My Blog

My blog has gained increased traffic over the past few weeks. With that comes people looking at my blog via Google. I have come to acknowledge that some of the search terms are weird, funny, even downright creepy. So, for your entertainment, I’m documenting the most random ones. I’m totally stealing this idea from my dear friend Sara Mosier who has written a post just like this on her blog Shit My Cake Says. Thanks Sara!

If you happen to see a search term listed that you yourself used, don’t worry. I am not judging. Well, actually I am. But reading deprecating comments about yourself is character building! If you think about it that way, I’m actually doing you a favor.

“Squid Raven”

Okay, what the hell is a squid raven, and why is someone looking for this monstrosity? I can only guess that this person is interested in splicing the genetic material of two animals to create one animal. He/she wants to sew a squid on the back of a raven so that the raven can live under the sea with Flounder and Sebastian, and the squid can know flight. Inspired!

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“www.fuck films”

I guess when I wrote my post “The Top Ten Best Mind Fuck Films” I should have been prepared for this.

“Captain America One God”

Okay, I know I only watched Captain America once but I do not recall much monotheistic messages. I could be wrong. What’s the connection here? I can actually argue that Captain America is against Christianity. Chris Evan’s character (I didn’t like the movie enough to actually remember his name) wants to become stronger and hotter. He uses means outside of the will of God to change God’s design. Basically saying that what God provided for him was not good enough. Way to show the world how you really feel… whoever you are. Please note the dripping sarcasm.

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“Abigail Breslin Crying”

Why do you want to hurt Abigail Breslin? She’s a sweet little girl, and you want to see her in pain? You are sick!

“Once upon a time disney book with mary-kate and ashley olsen”

That is just very oddly specific.

“Children and dragons can be beaten”

Beaten with what exactly? I also wasn’t aware anyone was at war with children and dragons. And what a fucked up army that would be. Are the children riding the dragons? And who exactly are they fighting anyway? Its Martians isn’t it?

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“Chuck Norris the Cutter”

My first response is WHAT and my second response is do you mean cutter as in someone who cuts their arm with a blade? I actually kind of hope there is a photo out there with Walker Texas Ranger wearing those emo arm things that cover up your fore arms. Lacy ones with pink ribbons. They’d go well with his eyes.

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“Quills Title”

If this person is asking what the title of the movie Quills is, I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

“Sexy old men”

I don’t know what confuses me more: why someone is looking this up, or how they found my blog searching it. Maybe sometimes it is better not knowing.

“Why Blue Eyed People Are Better”

Yay! Nazis are looking at my blog! That was totally my target audience!

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