I’m Kind of Scared of the People Reading My Blog

My blog has gained increased traffic over the past few weeks. With that comes people looking at my blog via Google. I have come to acknowledge that some of the search terms are weird, funny, even downright creepy. So, for your entertainment, I’m documenting the most random ones. I’m totally stealing this idea from my dear friend Sara Mosier who has written a post just like this on her blog Shit My Cake Says. Thanks Sara!

If you happen to see a search term listed that you yourself used, don’t worry. I am not judging. Well, actually I am. But reading deprecating comments about yourself is character building! If you think about it that way, I’m actually doing you a favor.

“Squid Raven”

Okay, what the hell is a squid raven, and why is someone looking for this monstrosity? I can only guess that this person is interested in splicing the genetic material of two animals to create one animal. He/she wants to sew a squid on the back of a raven so that the raven can live under the sea with Flounder and Sebastian, and the squid can know flight. Inspired!

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“www.fuck films”

I guess when I wrote my post “The Top Ten Best Mind Fuck Films” I should have been prepared for this.

“Captain America One God”

Okay, I know I only watched Captain America once but I do not recall much monotheistic messages. I could be wrong. What’s the connection here? I can actually argue that Captain America is against Christianity. Chris Evan’s character (I didn’t like the movie enough to actually remember his name) wants to become stronger and hotter. He uses means outside of the will of God to change God’s design. Basically saying that what God provided for him was not good enough. Way to show the world how you really feel… whoever you are. Please note the dripping sarcasm.

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“Abigail Breslin Crying”

Why do you want to hurt Abigail Breslin? She’s a sweet little girl, and you want to see her in pain? You are sick!

“Once upon a time disney book with mary-kate and ashley olsen”

That is just very oddly specific.

“Children and dragons can be beaten”

Beaten with what exactly? I also wasn’t aware anyone was at war with children and dragons. And what a fucked up army that would be. Are the children riding the dragons? And who exactly are they fighting anyway? Its Martians isn’t it?

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“Chuck Norris the Cutter”

My first response is WHAT and my second response is do you mean cutter as in someone who cuts their arm with a blade? I actually kind of hope there is a photo out there with Walker Texas Ranger wearing those emo arm things that cover up your fore arms. Lacy ones with pink ribbons. They’d go well with his eyes.

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“Quills Title”

If this person is asking what the title of the movie Quills is, I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

“Sexy old men”

I don’t know what confuses me more: why someone is looking this up, or how they found my blog searching it. Maybe sometimes it is better not knowing.

“Why Blue Eyed People Are Better”

Yay! Nazis are looking at my blog! That was totally my target audience!

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Quills: I Don’t Think This Title Just Refers to a Writing Implement

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I was really excited about seeing this movie. It has four of my favorite actors: Geoffrey rush, Kate Winslet, Joaquin Phoenix, and Michael Caine in most possible his most brooding role ever.

Quills, directed by Philip Kaufman, was released in 2000. It is about the Marquise de Sade. If that name is ringing a bell, it’s because he is notorious for scandalizing Paris and angering everyone (including Napoleon) with his lechery and steamy novels. In the movie, the Marquise (Geoffrey Rush) is in the Charenton Insane Asylum, run by Abbe du Coulmier (Joaquin Phoenix) where with the help of a the laundry woman Madeleine (Kate Winslet) the Marquise is able to smuggle out and publish his scandalous novels. His work sets Paris in an uproar, both in positive and negative fashions. Aghast, Napoleon sends a harsh man of “science,” Dr. Royer-Collard (Michael Caine) to go investigate Charenton. Coulmier has to get the Marquise in line, or face the shut down of his asylum, leaving hundreds of mentally ill patients with nowhere to go.

 

This movie about censorship really caught me quite off guard. What began as a whimsical farce became one of the most disturbing and haunting movies I’ve ever seen. Considering the film’s subject matter, I was expecting some steamy sex scenes, but the closest to that we get is Joaquin Phoenix resorting to necrophilia. Whatever floats your boat, man.

And interestingly, while I sincerely love Geoffrey Rush and Kate Winslet, Joaquin Phoenix steals the show, despite his accosting of corpses. His performance as the Abbe caught between God and science, his heart and his vows, rivals that of his role as Commodus in the movie Gladiator. There are so scenes where he is so haunting, so piercing (I guess in more ways than one) that I won’t be able to forget this movie for a while.

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Also, I think this film has more sexual innuendos of any I’ve ever seen. Thought that award would go to something like, oh, I don’t know, American Pie or something. Anyway, if you like blatant sexual humor, this movie is right up your alley.

While I really enjoyed this film, I think it slightly missed the mark. I think the screenwriter and director wanted to drive their story home through shock. However, I didn’t feel like this strengthened their points. Instead, I just felt shocked. I think if the dark side of the movie had been toned down, just a little bit (you know, maybe Joaquin Phoenix doesn’t have sex with a corpse, or maybe Geoffrey Rush doesn’t write on the walls with his excretion, or…). There is a fine line between shocking artfully and being Quentin Tarantino.

For a very strong commentary of some very important issues including censorship, sex, pornography, science, and religion, I give this astounding movie an 8.