Scary Movies That Aren’t Really Scary

I was going to do this list for Halloween, but I will be in Korea then teaching English so I foresee being quite busy. But it was a list a really wanted to do, so I’m doing it now. As I have expressed in many previous posts, I am quite possibly the biggest scardy cat alive. I do not watch scary movies. I can’t, because my over-active imagination will keep me awake for weeks, and a girl needs her beauty sleep. So it’s really frustrating when Halloween rolls around and all of my friends want to watch horror marathons and I can’t join them. However, over the past few years I have discovered movies that have either a Halloween theme or scary topic so you can legitimately watch them on Halloween with friends while they aren’t actually scary at all. So anyone else out there who also cannot tolerate scary movies, this list is for you. These are ten movies that will make for a perfect Halloween or scary movie marathon without actually being scary.

10. Stardust

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Yes, this is more of an adventure movie, but Michelle Pfieffer pretty much disintegrates into a corpse before your eyes. And it is a really fun, entertaining movie, and you get to see Robert DeNiro be a cross dresser. What more do you want?

9. Twilight

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Okay, before you yell at me, let me explain. Twilight or any of its sequels is quite fun if you have junk food, booze, and friends to make fun of it with. And the presence of vampires ties it to Halloween enough to go on the marathon list without scaring you. No, it probably will scare you, but not the kind of way that will keep you up at night.

8. Hocus Pocus

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I have never actually seen Hocus Pocus, but I know of enough people who like to watch it every Halloween that I’m confident it would work. Considering that I think its mainly oriented toward children, I don’t think it’s that scary. So if anyone watches it on my advice and ends up having nightmares…oops.

7. Cannibal the Musical

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The title of this movie alone should suggest how it connects with scary subject matter. People eat each other. Not exactly zombies, but close enough. And it is quite hilarious.

6. The Corpse Bride

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This Tim Burton flick was made in the style of The Nightmare Before Christmas (hey, guess what else is on the list?). It didn’t make a huge impression on me when I saw it, but it’s creepy enough to work but not too creepy.

5. Practical Magic

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This movie about witches living in modern society starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman is actually a lot of fun, and deceptively creepy at some points. It will make a good addition to any Halloween or “scary” movie marathon.

4. Teen Wolf

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I’m busting out a classic. This fantasy comedy from 1985 will have you rolling on the floor with its badly done, well, everything, its over the top contrivance, it’s cheep tricks, and 80’s hair styles.

3. Dracula: Dead and Loving It!

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Another vampire movie for you! And this one is made by Mel Brooks, so you don’t have to make fun of it to enjoy it. It’s hysterical.

2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

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We all know about this movie. I think it is the only bi-holiday movie. It can be watched for Halloween and Christmas. While it is a children’s movie, it’s a Halloween classic and fun.

  1. Young Frankenstein
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Ever since my junior year at college, I have tried to create a tradition of watching Young Frankenstein every year for Halloween. I love this movie so much. And it is perfect for those of us who like watching movies on Halloween but not being scared out of our wits. Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder are a perfect combination, and this is them at their best.

Honorable Mention

Shawn of the Dead: I didn’t include this movie because it scared me half to death. But it is very funny, so if you happen to have a somewhat higher tolerance for fear than I do, it will make a perfect addition to your marathon.

The Brother’s Grimm

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

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Should I Watch The Shining?

Dear Squids,

I need your help!

All of my regular readers know that I love very good quality movies, quality in terms of story, character, and acting. All of my friends know that I am most likely the easiest scared girl alive. And I hate being scared. It is not a feeling I enjoy. Because of that I do not go to haunted houses, I avoid isles in Halloween stores where random things pop out at you, I don’t read horror novels, and I do not watch scary movies. When I say scary movies, it probably encompasses more than what most people think of as scary movies. Just to give you all an idea, I couldn’t sleep a week after seeing Shawn of the Dead. Yes. I know it is a parody. No, that doesn’t help.

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However, I am very aware that there are some really great horror movies out there. A few years ago, I heard how amazing Pan’s Labyrinth was and decided to man up and force myself to watch it. I still freak out at the thought of The Pale dude, but it was worth it. Pan’s Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies. For the past few months, I have started thinking that maybe I should do the same for The Shining. It’s just one of those iconic movies everyone knows about, hears about. So, I am going to throw out these questions to all my faithful Squids out there:

  1. Based on my high standards of movies (if you’re not clear on that, read the page About the Squid) do you think I would enjoy the Shining?
  2. Based on what I told you about getting scared so easily and hating it, do you think I can get through the Shining without needing therapy?
  3. And the more general question, should I watch the Shining?

Based on all your comments, if I do decide to watch The Shining I guarantee you it will be in the daytime with the lights on while I’m under a blanket and squeezing a teddy bear. Oh, and just so all of you are clear, I’m not 8. I’m 21.