I See Blue People

My problems with John Cusack that I related in my last post now seem so trivial, so superficial, because i just found out some information that was so soul crushing that nothing compares to it. James Cameron is creating a sequel to Avatar. My reaction: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I should have expected this. Avatar made a lot of money, so of course Hollywood would jump at the chance of making a sequel so they can finally possess enough money to change the constitution and make Arnold president. But I guess I still have a young, idealistic heart. NOT ANYMORE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING JAMES CAMERON?????? WHY? WHY?

I’m sure some people who read this blog will have enjoyed Avatar, They’re everywhere. My own step-father saw it three times and even made sexual jokes about the blue women, which of course made me want to pull my own heart out of my chest and eat it. So please let me explain myself. Avatar has been lauded as one of the most original films ever made. The only thing original about it is the computer graphics, and as I always say, CG does not make a movie. The most important part is the story, and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING original about Avatar’s story. It’s basically Pocahontas, Dances With Wolves and Fern Gully with tall hippy Smurfs who have sex with their horses. The story is simplistic and predictable. So calling it original is like calling Paris Hilton an ideal role model for girls.

But the idea of a sequel disturbs me even more than when the first one came out and received so much undeserved hype. Everyone knows sequels are worse than the originals because Hollywood knows they don’t have to work as hard because if a bunch of people went to see the first one they will show up for the second one. And if the first Avatar was so bad, just imagine how catastrophic the sequel will be! I’m envisioning great writers of the past, Shakespeare, Dickens, Milton, Plath, Twain, Austen, Ginsberg etc. all rising from the dead just so they can go strangle James Cameron and then shooting themselves because art has been raped, and will never recover. Hollywood, buckling under the enormous weight of its own shit will implode into itself. Keanu Reeves and Ben Aflec will be wading through the rubble screaming “No! We haven’t desecrated  enough characters yet!”

Yes, I realize I’m being melodramatic, but it just shows how much i do not want this movie to be made. It was bad enough hearing nothing but “Have you seen Avatar? Oh my God, you have to see Avatar! Avatar will blow your mind!” for a year when the first one came out. I just can’t go through that again.

But maybe it’s okay. The movie is scheduled to be released in 2015, and if the world ends in December because of the end of the Mayan calendar, I won’t ever have to exist in a world in which a sequel to Avatar is created. I have a chance of being saved!

Advertisements

The Raven: a Rant About John Cusack

Image

This is not a movie critique, but I found out a piece of information that confuses me to no end. I just saw the trailer for The Raven, a dark action thriller about Edgar Allen Poe and a sadistic mad man who is committing heinous crimes in the fashion of Poe’s writing. Apparently, director John McTeigue was sitting in a board room one day, deciding on his actors, and thought, “Okay, for my action hero, the literary legend, Edgar Allen Poe, I want a one-note actor who has never done action or a movie on this scale and is only really known for trite chick-flicks. I know! John Cusack!”

To be fair, there are other actors out there that I hate more than John Cusack. Keanu Reeves for example. And John Cusack did a wonderful job in Being John Malcovich. But that movie was over 10 years ago, and all his roles since have been, how do I put this nicely, ummmm, bad. You forget him instantly. And as a lover of Edgar Allen Poe, I just don’t want anyone who thought acting in The Hot Tub Time Machine was a good idea play a person so close to my heart.

I do accept however that maybe Cusack is the right man for the job. Maybe, just maybe, he will be great, and I will have to hang my head in shame and then kill myself because clearly the world will be coming to an end.

Squids, what you think about Cusack being picked for this role?

Oh, and by the way, if you are also a fan of Poe, you might be interested in this T Shirt:

http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=5230