A Note From a Dismayed Moviegoer

Dear Squids,

Ever since I started this blog, I’ve been reading a lot more about movies, watching trailers, discovering what movies are coming out, and stuff like that. Strangely, that has proven to be a very depressing activity. First I discover that James Cameron is creating a sequel to Avatar. Then yesterday I find out than just when we thought the Twilight Saga was at it’s end, an adaptation of Meyer’s other book The Host is also being transferred to the big screen. Yay, another opportunity for Stephanie Meyer to set back feminism 100 years!  And to add the cherry on the sundae, Michael Bay is working on a fourth Transformers to be released the summer of 2014. Kill me now.

I sat through the first Transformers (blame my boyfriend at the time). There was no story to speak of. Just a bunch of senseless action and explosions. But I did love that touching moment in which Shia Labeouf tries so hard to actually be an actor and says “I won’t leave you Bumblebee!” I laughed out loud at the hilarity and also cursed Bay for stealing two hours of my life. And then the credits went up, and around me, the packed audience gave it a standing ovation. And as I continued to sit, asserting my defiance, I couldn’t figure out whether I was going to have an aneurism or just become a cynic. Any of my regular readers will know the later occurred.

You’d think that after insulting American history by screwing with the moon landing and proving that this franchise’s female lead was an expendable bimbo just used for sex appeal (OK, I know we all knew that to begin with, but still) that these movies would be dead. Apparently not. And even though Shia Labeouf himself is not going to be involved, the project is still full steam ahead. Well, of course that’s not an issue. You have no real story, so you have no need for characters!

So come summer 2014, if someone comes up to me and says “Allison, do you wanna see the new Transformers movie?” I’m just going to give them my greatest dead stare until they stop annoying me. Then, hopefully, this franchise will truly be at it’s end. But if Cher has proven anything, it’s that we can never be sure of that.